It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
