Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
