sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
