Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Terrible idea I love it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
