Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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