He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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