I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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