When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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