my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
