What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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