Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
