Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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