can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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