Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
