there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
