there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
