Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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