Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
