How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
