i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
