Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
