Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
