cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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