i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
