The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
