I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
