i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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