I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have aggressive nipples.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
