does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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