i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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