I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
