you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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