He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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