This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
