and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
