my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
