dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
