I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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