just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
