worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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