we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
