So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
