she was so not down for the gang bang
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
