before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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