i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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