laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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