So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
