Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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