i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
