okay pat passed out under dana's car
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
