I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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