Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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