We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
