Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
