I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
