I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
