you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
