Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
