I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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