Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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