i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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