I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
