sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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