Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
