I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
