so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
