Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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