you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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