after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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