I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
