Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
