Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
