Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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