im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
