I hate all girls vehemently.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
