She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Damn victory sex feels great
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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