Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
