I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
