I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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