Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
