i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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