so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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