Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
