i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
